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Hold Down the Fort During a Zombie Apocalypse

by Kara Hale
Hold Down the Fort During a Zombie Apocalypse

Oh you laugh now, sure, but just wait. The thing about Zombie apocalypses is that nobody ever expects them, right? Things are just peachy… right up until they aren’t.

Unlike in Walking Dead, though, a real-life zombie apocalypse won’t end after the 50-minute episode is up. No, if you hope to survive, you’ll need some badass skills to carry you through days, weeks, or possibly months of emergency. Only the fittest, most prepared and quickest thinking will make it.

Here’s how you can make sure that’s you.

How self contained can your home be, really?

The standard American bachelor has half of a toilet roll and less than 500 calories of ready nutrition available in his home. This is bad.

You know how in the movies, the zombies are breaking down the doors, reaching infested hands through open windows? Well, you need to prepare for that. You need to be able to shut your house completely and stay sane and alive in there while your main hero (you?) figures out the plan.

To get you through a few days before the next exciting plot twist, you’ll need about a gallon of water for each person, enough non-perishable food, medications to last a while, toiletries and sanitation items, blankets, a first aid kit and all your important documents in one safe place (bureaucracy is hell, I know, but it’s worse when zombies are trying to eat you – sort out your papers before the shit hits the fan!).

The basics

Your main goal will be securing enough food while you make sure you don’t end up as food. So stock up. Choose calorie dense foods that will last a few years at least. Fat and protein rich food is denser and takes up less space, but carbs are a little cheaper. Get a good mix.

Think dry crackers (to replace bread), dried fruits, canned and ready to eat fish, canned veggies, canned soups, powdered milk, a few spices, possibly some preserves or jerky and a little peanut butter – just because you’re being hunted by zombies, doesn’t mean you can’t have nice things.

Two important items to remember: a can opener (forgetting would suck, wouldn’t it?) and some vitamins and electrolyte drinks, which I bet you didn’t think of!

Battening down the hatches

Think like a zombie. Imagine it’s 4:00 pm on a Friday, and nothing is standing between you and a beautiful Quarter Pounder with fries but a flimsy screen door.

Zombies will find a way, so keep it secure. Go around your premises and examine every possible entry point. Look at glass that can be smashed easily or levers that can be pried open. Double-check AC fittings, cheap doors handles, or fences you can easily hop over.

If the zombies don’t come

Hey, look, it’s fine. Sometimes the zombies skip over your house. It’s OK though, because if you’ve taken a little time to prepare some emergency supplies and you’ve secured your premises, you’ll also coincidentally be prepared for if something boring like a natural disaster comes along.

Hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, that kind of thing.

Turns out that preparing for zombies is a transferable skill! See what I just did there? Much like Mr. Miyagi taught Daniel son… I just gave you my zombie version of ‘wax-on, wax-off'.

Hold Down the Fort During a Zombie Apocalypse
Zombie proofing your home has other uses, as well.

Zombie checklist

  • Do you have enough food and water for everyone in the household for at least a week?
  • Do you have enough clothing, blankets, medications and toiletries to last the same time?
  • Lastly, is your home nice and secure?

– 4-Part Zombie Survival Series –

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Hold Down the Fort During a Zombie Apocalypse

time to read: 3 min